Somewhere In Between
by Cosmic Castaway
Summary: Some thoughts that I believe would run through Bosco's mind as he wondering what is causing the panic attacks Spoilers for upcoming eppy Falling


Summery: Thoughts that make Bosco wonder why he is having panic attacks. (Spoilers for the upcoming episode, Falling)   
  
Author Note: I'm just going by the spoilers I have gotten for the upcoming episode "Falling." Thank you to Jewel ;) cause she got the best Preview then us poor Americans who get nothing from NBC, just suspense :) heheheheh  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own nothing, never have. Don't own the song either. If you sue...I have already gone through this I'll be just sending my computer that likes to bite people in the ass ;).  
  
Hope you enjoy, ;)   
  
  
Somewhere In Between  
  
Why me? Why is this happening to me? I can't figure out why I can't beat this. If I just ignore it, shouldn't it just go away....right?   
  
I can deal with this and I don't need anybody's help. Not the shrinks stupid methods, not my mother's "fake" love and I definitely don't need my partner Faith's help.   
  
She has always helped me though, saving my life more then I can even count but I do the same thing. Can't remember how many times I have saved and backed her up when she needed it, I would give my life in a heartbeat if I had to for her.   
  
Why do I feel betrayed still? I tell myself, I tell her everything is okay between us. Yet something is itching at the back of my mind, like as though my hands can't reach into the middle of my back and stop the insisting torment.   
  
Oh well. It's not happening, these panic attacks. Yeah right. Me. Come on I can handle anything and everything....yet I don't want to. I want to fall and be picked up instead of pushing myself up off the dusty ground. But who do I trust? I can't go to Faith, she will think I'm nuts.   
  
Nobody. Oh well. Always been that way hasn't it? I was alone, always been that way. Father beats Mom up yet I was the only family member who saw and said it was wrong yet somehow I was not right.   
  
Arrest Mikey. Still wrong, even though I'm a cop. I'm supposed to be the good guy by locking up the bad guy....yet if it's family especially a sibling then all bets are off. Why is that?   
  
Get killed. Didn't die but the bullet could have missed my vest so easily and hit me right in the head,....killing me instantly  
  
Cancer. Faith had, has, I don't even know anymore but that is why she didn't back me up that one day when I could have been killed. She had cancer and taking radiation treatments that made her ultimately sick, yet she didn't trust me enough to tell me something so important in her life that could affect hers and mine.   
  
Hobart. That was messed up. I still haven't figured that one out yet. I still have no pity for suicide....selfish.   
  
Friendly Fire? Gusler shot Ross and killed him, or that is what they're saying now. I was so scared, so frantic for my partner, even if I was or had been mad at her for the past couple of days. I still had to cover her back just in case.   
  
So I ran all the things in my mind that should be causing these panic attacks. So it sounds bad right now but why I'm I still screwed up in the head, all this time and now it decides to show up, why now?   
  
Oh yeah. Can't forget 9/11. Still feel as though it should have been one of those that had died that day and not somebody with a family. Not many care about me and that is fine by me cause I could careless about most of the people around me but yet what about the person who did have a family and friends that was cared for deeply yet they still died. Why didn't I perish, not like I would be missed later on.   
  
I don't know how I'm going to beat this. I can't fix it. I can't turn it one notch like it's my car engine and say it's better.   
  
I'm not going to admit it but as I look at the pills that I have cupped in my hand with the cold beer resting in my other hand on my knee I realize, I'm scared. I drown the pills with the beer and swollow hard and take a deep breath.   
  
So what. I'm frightened. But I can beat this. I can beat anything and everything, even if it's over my head cause all I have to do is put my mind to it and I can reach for my goal.   
  
Waiting for the pills to kick in and take more sips of my alcoholic beverage as I sit on my chair wondering....knowing....I just don't need this.   
  
Too much shit. I won't run but as I rethink everything that has happened to me what seems already to short of time I just know I don't need this right now.   
  
  
Lifehouse  
  
"Somewhere In Between  
  
I can't be losing sleep over this, no, I can't  
And now I cannot stop pacing  
Give me a few hours and I'll have this all sorted out  
If my mind would just stop racing  
  
'Cause I cannot stand still  
I can't be this unsturdy  
This cannot be happening  
This is over my head but underneath my feet  
'Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat  
And everything will be back to the way that it was  
I wish that it was just that easy  
  
'Cause I'm waiting for tonight  
Then waiting for tomorrow  
And I'm somewhere in between  
What is real and just a dream...  
What is real and just a dream...  
What is real and just a dream...  
  
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in  
Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again  
I don't want to run away from this  
I know that I just don't need this  
  
'Cause I cannot stand still  
I can't be this unsturdy  
This cannot be happening  
  
'Cause I'm waiting for tonight  
Then waiting for tomorrow  
And I'm somewhere in between  
What is real and just a dream...  
What is real and just a dream...  
What is real and just a dream...  
What is real and just a dream..."  
  
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Lyrics and Owned by Lifehouse. 


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